self+belief,+motivation+and+students

**[|Dr. Ken Shore's Classroom Problem Solver]**
=**[|The Student With Low Self-Esteem]** =

 A student's self-esteem has a significant impact on almost everything she does -- on the way she engages in activities, deals with challenges, and interacts with others. Self-esteem also can have a marked effect on academic performance. Low self-esteem can lessen a student's desire to learn, her ability to focus, and her willingness to take risks. Positive self-esteem, on the other hand, is one of the building blocks of school success; it provides a firm foundation for learning. The challenge in working with children with low self-esteem is to restore their belief in themselves, so they persevere in the face of academic challenges. You do not need a formal program to promote self-esteem, however. Educators shape self-esteem every day, in the normal course of interacting with their students. Although you cannot teach a student to feel good about herself, you can nurture her self-esteem through a continual process of encouragement and support. At its most basic, that means showing appreciation for the things she does well, expressing confidence that she will improve in the areas in which she doesn't do well, and adapting instruction so she can experience success. **WHAT YOU CAN DO**
 * || [[image:http://www.educationworld.com/a_tech/images/lp_icon_mssgboard.jpg align="center"]]

Click __[|here] __ to share your classroom management problems or solutions on the Education World Classroom Management message board. ||  || **Praise the student in a specific and genuine way.** Students are experts at distinguishing genuine feedback from empty compliments. They learn to dismiss vague words of praise as insincere, and perhaps even phony. Comments that suggest thoughtful appreciation of their work, on the other hand, are meaningful to them. Toward that end, let the student know in specific terms what you like about her work or behavior. If she is progressing slowly, praise her for small steps forward. If you sense that she's uncomfortable being praised in front of her classmates, tell her in private or in a note. **Show the student tangible evidence of progress.** Expressing confidence in a student's ability is important; pep talks alone might not be enough, however. Help the student appreciate her own improvement by pointing to concrete signs of growth -- perhaps by taping an oral reading at the beginning of the year and comparing it to a later performance, by showing her papers from earlier in the year and contrasting them with later papers, or by demonstrating that the math problems she struggled with during the first marking period now come easily to her. You might also have the student place in a box index cards with spelling or reading words she has mastered. **Showcase her accomplishments.** You might read one of the student's compositions to the class, display her artwork on a bulletin board, have her demonstrate how to do a math problem, or, in the case of an ESL student, invite her to speak to the class in her first language. If the student has a particular hobby or interest, suggest that she talk to the class about it. If necessary, have her rehearse her talk in advance. **Help the student feel important in class.** You might give the student an important classroom job or find ways in which she can help others. Tell her you are giving her the responsibility because you are confident she can do it well. For example: have the student take care of the class rabbit, deliver lunch money to the office, collect homework, help another student with a computer problem, read aloud the school's morning announcements, answer the school phone while the secretary is at lunch, or tutor a student in a lower grade. **Engage the student in conversation about her interests.** A student can gain self-esteem from involvement in activities she cares about. Find a few minutes every day to talk with her about her favorite hobbies, sports, television programs, or musical groups. If necessary, ask her parents for the information you need as a basis for talking with her. Suggest to the student ways in which she can pursue her interests in greater depth. You might even bring in a book or item from home related to one of her interests. **Help the student deal with adversity.** If the student encounters academic difficulties, help her appreciate that failure is a normal part of learning and that everyone experiences disappointment or frustration at some point. You might tell her that Lincoln lost seven elections before being elected president of the United States, or that Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times during his career. Acknowledge the student's frustration, and then move on to help her develop strategies for improvement. Express your confidence that --with hard work and your support -- she is likely to succeed. **Encourage a sense of belonging.** Students with low self-esteem often are isolated from their classmates. You can promote a student's peer involvement with others by finding ways to integrate her into activities that are take place both in and out of school. You might organize a group activity that includes her. Or ask a couple of friendly and accepting students to spend time with her during recess or lunch. If students pair up for class activities, assign the student a kind and easygoing partner. You also might want to encourage the student's parents to arrange additional social contacts with classmates, perhaps suggesting potential playmates. **Inform parents of their child's successes.** Teachers are quick to let parents know when their child has a problem. They are not nearly as diligent about notifying parents when their child is successful. Consider sending home a note or calling parents when their child does something noteworthy. Tell the student you are doing it. The gesture might take only a couple of minutes, but it can brighten the student's day and engender positive responses from the parents to their child.

[|ark Tyrrell, co-author of the Self Confidence Trainer, completed a UK tours in 2002, 2003, 2004 & 2005 teaching thousands of health professionals the facts about self esteem and how to treat low self esteem in their patients. He has also co-authored a book on self esteem for Axis Publishing called //The Giant Within - Maximise Your Self Esteem//.] [| As you can imagine, Mark did a lot of research for his seminar //'How to Lift Low Self Esteem//'. He has listed his 10 most important 'Tips' for you here.]

**1) Low Self Esteem Not To Blame for being bad!**
Firstly people with genuinely low self-esteem, a poor self image and low confidence, have been insensitively lumped together with bullies, narcissists, criminals and child abusers. No, really! Popular assumption was that people did bad things to other people because they, themselves have low self esteem. But if you have ever asked yourself: “Do I have low self esteem” fear not. All the evidence points to the conclusion that low self esteem is a distinct condition, so if you do have self esteem you don’t have to feel that you are in the same group as bullies or abusers. Research has found that people with genuine low self esteem tend to treat themselves badly not other people. Stopping people being bullies by trying to lift their self esteem may be like trying to get an obese person to lose weight by feeding them lots more cake. In the 1980’s there was a movement to raise self esteem in schools in the belief that this would stop bullies bullying and prevent future crime in society. But peer reviewed research has shown schools trying to raise self esteem don’t prevent bullies bullying (2) (because low self esteem wasn’t causing them to bully). Artificially and ineffectively focusing on lifting self esteem doesn’t raise academic performance either (3) As you’ll see in fact 4 the methods schools attempted to raise self esteem may have even damaged the sense of self worth in those suffering genuine low self esteem. Low self esteem is not to blame for nearly as many problems as has traditionally been thought. It was also assumed that self esteem could never be too high.

**2) Too high Self Esteem Linked to Criminality**
It is now clear that too high self esteem or 'High Self Esteem Disorder' is often more of a problem. (This is NOT merely a 'disguised' form of low self-esteem, as commonly thought). So, if you are the victim of a bully then you can rest assured you don't have to feel sorry for them. Hundreds of pieces of reliable research now show that bullies and many criminals are much more likely to suffer from unrealistically high self esteem and impulse control problems than low self esteem. An exaggerated sense of entitlement - expecting much from many situations - is more likely to lead to frustration and aggressive, antisocial, or even criminal behaviour. If self esteem can be too low it can also be too high. It was a crazy and unwarranted assumption that all human behaviour could be explained a way by low self esteem. So what are the symptoms of real low self esteem?

**3) Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem**
So what is likely to cause very low self esteem? Tale a look at [|how to build self esteem]. But one major factor is history.
 * 1) Social withdrawal
 * 2) Anxiety and emotional turmoil
 * 3) Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
 * 4) Less social conformity
 * 5) Eating disorders
 * 6) Inability to accept compliments
 * 7) An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself
 * 8) Accentuating the negative
 * 9) Exaggerated concern over what you imagine other people think
 * 10) Self neglect
 * 11) Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
 * 12) Worrying whether you have treated others badly
 * 13) Reluctance to take on challenges
 * 14) Reluctance to put yourself first or anywhere.
 * 15) Reluctance to trust your own opinion
 * 16) Expecting little out of life for yourself

**4) Child Abuse Increases Likelihood of Low Self Esteem**
People who were abused as children (physical beating or sexual abuse) are more likely to suffer low self esteem as adults (6) They have learned that they are of little value in themselves or just an object to be used. They have been 'brain washed' by constant criticism or abuse that they are a certain way. When a person begins to question this former conditioning or brainwashing then a healthier and more accurate sense of self can begin to emerge. This happens in a similar way to how people may break away from the brainwashing of a cult. There are other forms of abuse and certainly a history of being heavily criticized or unfavorably compared to others can lead to low self esteem (“why can’t you be more like your brother!”). Former abuse may lead to post traumatic stress disorder which maintains the sense of “damage” and low self worth. Once traumatic memories are dealt with effectively the mind becomes clearer to form a better self esteem. So what else does the low self esteem sufferer need? So past conditioning (often but not always from childhood) can produce low self esteem in adults. But why didn’t the drive to raise self esteem in school kids (starting in California with a legislature to raise self esteem) prevent childhood depression and low self esteem from rising?

**5) You Can't Argue Someone Better!**
The 1980’s drive to raise low self esteem in schools backfired (4) Why? Well it was based on the idea that low self esteem can be successfully treated by a bombardment of “positive messages”. But research has shown that positive affirmations actually worsen the mood of people who already have low self esteem (5). It seems that positive thinking as a “blunt instrument” used repetitively to try to brainwash people to feel better about themselves is too superficial an approach. And the person with low self esteem senses this. Telling someone they are great or wonderful when they are constantly negative about themselves will not work. Imagine if you really detest yourself and someone tells you that you’re lovely even as they are telling everyone else the same thing. In fact people with low self esteem can be upset by disconfirming feedback. Healthy self esteem needs to emerge subtly, not as a sudden result of hearing you are 'really special' or 'fantastic'. Paradoxically, being “too nice” to someone with very low self esteem can drive them away. People need to develop better self esteem gradually, through “proof” in the real world. Just being repeatedly told (by someone who doesn’t know you that well) that “you’re wonderful” has never been found to work in lifting low self esteem. Whenever we’re highly emotional our perception is distorted. When people calm down around the idea of themselves then a healthier self-esteem can emerge like a green island coming into view when mist clears. What else do those with low self esteem need?

**6) A Little More Uncertainty Can Help**
Contrary to popular opinion, people with low self-esteem tend to be very sure of themselves. That’s the problem. This manifests in their conviction that they are worthless or inadequate. As you will know if you have ever tried to argue with someone who puts themselves down continually, it is very hard to do! When someone with low self esteem starts to become less sure of their own opinion of themselves and therefore begins to assess counter evidence regarding their worthlessness, their self image begins to become more healthy. At first the “ugly” duckling was certain it was a failed duck but that misdirected certainty had to loosen before it’s true life direction could become clear. Good self esteem is actually a by product of living in a healthy way. So rather than trying to raise it directly it’s easier to focus elsewhere (such on what a person does) and let self esteem rise as happy side effect of a change in living. What do we all need in life that will help us incidentally feel better about ourselves?

**7) Build on Solid Foundations**
For anyone to be psychologically and physically healthy then core needs have to be fulfilled. Being clear about what you need and making efforts to meet those needs constructively means you’ll naturally have better self esteem as a by-product of living well. This is useful list of basic human needs: Of course, it is likely that at any one time, one or more of these may be slightly lacking in your life, without dire consequences. However, in the long-term, they must all be catered for one way or another. Something else the “low self esteemer” needs is the capacity to focus off their own emotionality and merge with experience so they gain more enjoyment from life.
 * 1) The need to give and receive attention
 * 2) The need to look after your body.
 * 3) The need for meaning, purpose and goals.
 * 4) The need for a connection to something greater than ourselves
 * 5) The need for creativity and stimulation
 * 6) The need for intimacy and connection to others.
 * 7) The need for a sense of control
 * 8) The need for a sense of status and recognition from others.
 * 9) The need for a sense of safety and security

**8) Healthy Pleasures Are Vital**
When you have a healthy level of self esteem (not self hating but not narcissistically self involved either) then you find it easier to actually forget about yourself. You’ll only think about your toe if it’s in pain or if you are obsessively proud of it-otherwise it can take care of itself. It’s the same with your sense of self. We all need to engage in activities which we enjoy and in which we can 'lose ourselves' regularly. Someone's mental and even, to some extent, physical health can be directly related to how 'self-referential' they are in their conversation - as people become healthier they use the 'I' word less (7), in the same way that when your knee stops hurting you don't need to rub it any more. People should be encouraged to focus their attention away from themselves and this becomes easier once they have met their own [|basic emotional needs] in healthy ways. We all amplify some parts of our experience and minimize others. But if we habitually do this by expanding the bad stuff and linking that to self esteem whilst belittling the good stuff distancing positives from self esteem then it doesn’t take a rocket scientist (or even a psychologist) to see that low self esteem will result.

**9) Make the Most of Success**
Low self esteem requires a particular attitude towards success. Whenever you succeed at something, you must 'write it off' as good luck, chance, or someone else's responsibility. To gain a more realistic view of yourself, you need to take appropriate credit for your successes. In the [|Self Confidence Trainer], we call this skill 'Converting'. This involves learning how to convert real successes into statements about your self. The other part of the picture is to view perceived failures as temporary and not statements manifestations of your 'core identity'. When you stop discounting things that go well and magnifying stuff that doesn’t go so well you are less likely to be depressed or suffer low self esteem. Period. Low self esteem treatment should consist of a balance between teaching new thinking, emotional and behavioural skills. See: [|How to Boost Self Esteem] Ultimately a healthy balance should be encouraged as should the development of real practical skills such as how to be assertive and build a social life.

**10) It's not just about Positive Thinking!**
Positive thinking can be useful in that it challenges you to form a different view on things. However, most of the time it just takes the form of arguing with yourself, and as we've seen from 4) above, this doesn't work. Low self esteem may drive us to constantly and negatively compare ourselves to other people. As self esteem rises to a healthy level you’ll find that you do this much less. Check out this ‘do you have an inferiority complex?’ for more ideas on how to stop negatively comparing yourself to others.  To change your self image and improve low self esteem, you need to believe in an alternative opinion of yourself through experience, not just repeat platitudes about how great you are really! After all in the words of a wise man: “If you are not for yourself then who else will be?”

<span style="color: #1c5388; font-size: 10px; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 10px;">(1) Late in 2001, thinking about 'low self esteem' changed worldwide. The Rowntree Report (The costs and causes of low self esteem) paved the way for more effective, research-based identification and treatment of low self esteem. <span style="color: #1c5388; font-size: 10px; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 10px;"> (2) See: Baumeister, R., Smart, L., & Boden, J. (1996). Relations of threatened egotism to violence and aggression: The dark side of high self-esteem. Psychological Review, 103, 5-33. <span style="color: #1c5388; font-size: 10px; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 10px;"> (3) Baumeister, R. (1996). Should schools try to boost self-esteem? Beware the dark side. American Educator, 20, 14-19. <span style="color: #1c5388; font-size: 10px; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 10px;"> (4) The World Health Organisation (WHO) estimates that depression is on the increase in all age groups but specifically young adults and children. <span style="color: #1c5388; font-size: 10px; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 10px;"> (5) Canadian researchers found those with low self-esteem actually felt worse after repeating positive statements about themselves. They said phrases such as "I am a lovable person" only helped people with high self-esteem. The study appears in the journal Psychological Science. The researchers, from the University of Waterloo and the University of New Brunswick, asked people with high and low self-esteem to say "I am a lovable person." They then measured the participants' moods and their feelings about themselves. In the low self-esteem group, those who repeated the mantra felt worse afterwards compared with others who did not. However people with high self-esteem felt better after repeating the positive self-statement - but only slightly. The psychologists then asked the study participants to list negative and positive thoughts about themselves. They found that, paradoxically, those with low self-esteem were in a better mood when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than when they were asked to focus exclusively on affirmative thoughts. Writing in the journal, the researchers suggest that, like overly positive praise, unreasonably positive self-statements, such as "I accept myself completely," can provoke contradictory thoughts in individuals with low self-esteem. Such negative thoughts can overwhelm the positive thoughts. If people are instructed to focus exclusively on positive thoughts, negative thoughts might be especially discouraging. <span style="color: #1c5388; font-size: 10px; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 10px;"> (6) See the Nicolas Emler: “The Emler report 2001, The causes and consequences of low self worth.” <span style="color: #1c5388; font-size: 10px; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 10px;"> (7) Mark Schaller a psychologist at the University of British Columbia studied the lyrics of Curt Cobain (the rock star who committed suicide)-Cole Porter and the short story writer John Cheever. He wanted to investigate whether there was an increase in personal pronouns (I, me, myself, mine etc.) before and after they became famous. He surmised that narcissists use more personal pronouns and fame makes people more narcissistic. <span style="color: #1c5388; font-size: 10px; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 10px;"> He did, indeed, find an increase in self referential statements after fame. His paper (1997 'The psychological consequences of fame: three tests of the self consciousness hypothesis, journal of personality,65,2,291-309) He seemed to find a correlation between high self referential statements both before fame AND after fame and later mental problems and suicide (such as the case with Kurt Cobain, Michael Hutchins and other famous suicides)